Manners, values and norms in daily life

Appointments and time

The Dutch plan a lot. You make an appointment (afspraak) for the doctor, the gemeente and the hairdresser, but also to visit friends or family. Dropping by without warning is less common than in many other countries; a quick message first is polite.

Being on time (op tijd komen) is important. If you are going to be late, you send a message or call before the appointment starts. If you cannot come at all, you cancel (afzeggen) in time. At a doctor or dentist you may have to pay for a missed appointment.

Dinner is often early, around 18:00. If you visit someone around dinner time, do not expect to be invited to eat unless that was agreed.

Directness

Many Dutch people say what they think, quite directly. Nee, dat vind ik geen goed idee is not meant to be rude: it is honest. You can also say no or disagree, politely. At work, employees can give their opinion to their boss, and decisions are often made after a discussion (overleg).

Equality

Equality is a core value and is written in article 1 of the Grondwet. In practice:

• Men and women have the same rights: in work, education, marriage and divorce, and politics. A woman can be your manager, doctor or teacher.
• People of every religion or no religion have the same rights.
• LGBTQ+ people have equal rights. Same-sex couples can marry (the Netherlands was the first country to allow this, in 2001) and adopt children. Discrimination because of sexual orientation is forbidden.
• Everyone can choose their own partner and religion. Forcing someone to marry is a crime.

People usually address each other quite informally. Many people use first names, also at work. You use u for people you do not know, older people and in formal situations; je/jij for friends, colleagues and children. When in doubt, start with u.

Respect in public

• Shake hands or just say hello; greeting customs vary. Respect it if someone prefers not to shake hands.
• Queue and wait your turn.
• Offer your seat in the bus to someone who needs it more: an older person, a pregnant woman, someone with a disability.
• Freedom of speech is broad, but threats, discrimination and inciting hatred or violence are not allowed.

Neighbours

Birthdays (verjaardagen)

A Dutch birthday at home is a typical scene for the exam:

• Guests often sit in a circle and drink coffee with cake.
• You congratulate everyone: not only the person whose birthday it is, but also their partner and family (Gefeliciteerd met je man!).
• People usually bring a small present or flowers.
• Many people keep a verjaardagskalender (birthday calendar), often in the toilet.

Exam logic

The correct answer is usually the one that is planned, punctual, polite, direct and equal. Answers where someone is excluded because of gender, religion or sexuality are wrong.